March 2009 Archives

camo apron

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as close to Betty Crocker as I could ever possibly get.

at techshop where I teach laser and sewing classes, I mentioned to Abe - one of the new guys there who's tall, focused, doesn't make too many jokes, kinda even looks like an Abe - that I had this apron pattern I'd cut out over a year ago that I wanted to make out of camo and caution fabric

he looked at me incredulously. I thought, oh great, another person who thinks I'm so strange ... I should've taken just a little more time before revealing this side of me to him.

he finally spoke, "I would SO wear that apron.  I'm going on a hunting trip soon and I would wear that with the guys, frilly bits 'n all."

I finished it two days later because, oh yeah, I wanna see him wear it.

I demoed it for him.  he loved it and informed me it needed some hunter orange.  supposedly if you hunt turkey in West Virginia you don't need any but if you hunt deer in Colorado 40% of your body needs to be covered in hunter orange.

I'm sure I misremembered the mix of states and animals and percentages but I learned I needed to add some orange rick-rack to the bottom of this apron.

I finished it at the Textile Meet-up and my friend Bruce grabbed a photo.  Thank you, Bruce!

a sausage with your name on it

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Imagine going to a party and all the food you eat has your name on it ...

they're quite the hit at parties!  well, as long as I spell everyone's name right.

no, I didn't use a branding typeset. I etched/burned them on a laser cutter. here's how:

first, I dried a bag of little sausages. if you don't dry them first, you'll get bubbles as you etch. water seriously impacts the burn. I didn't just dry the outside, I wrapped each sausage in a couple layers of paper towel and squeezed it without breaking it open. see the material science just waiting to be learned!

then, I made a quick jig to place the sausages in the laser so I could etch many at once and actually finish in my reserved time.

sausagesMeasure.jpg I measured a sausage with my trusty 6-inch hem gauge which I always travel with.

the first time I did this I learned I'd picked one of the smallest sausages and so I had to tweak my process later.

I placed an 11x17 piece of paper on the laser table to hold the sausages.  I made laser marks on the paper to tell me where to place the sausages.  then I used the same digital file to position and size the names.

so, in CorelDraw, I built a rectangle 2 inches wide by 3/4 inch high to match what I thought was every sausage's dimensions.

I added two very tiny circles in the upper left and right of that rectangle, grouped it all together and replicated it across my 11x17 workspace, putting the rectangles anywhere. they don't have to be aligned with each other. a very nice quick way to build a jig for many purposes.

I chose just the circles and had the laser cut them out. this would be faster than etching anything across this large area.

the image above shows the laser cut circles with two of the many rectangles photoshopped in to give you an idea.

sausagesOnPaper.jpgthen I laid out the sausages on the paper lined up with the tiny holes.

I was planning on lining them up more densely than this but since I'd unknowingly chosen the smallest sausage on which to build my jig, I had to improvise.  I used every other rectangle so that it was easy to remember a pattern to then build out the names.

sausagesLasing.jpgI filled every other rectangle with an appropriately sized name and sent just the names to the laser.

these are getting etched. you can see a bit of light coming off the first sausage.  they're also still showing signs of moisture but it's subtle enough to still allow the words to be readable.



harvest them and get thee to a party!!

wanna knot?

everytime I see these pine needles, I think of this cute story a friend told me.

he went skiing and was taking a bus (from a lift area to a hotel?)  a little boy and his mom were taking the same bus.  there was a delay.  the little boy started picking up these needles and tying them into knots and giving them to people, asking in his shy little boy voice, "wanna knot?"  for a full half hour while they waited for the bus.  pretty much everyone received a knot.

crunch me


bandage weaving 101

you know how sometimes something occurs to you and you just have to do it?

hi on garlic

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I am not a monogamous crocheter

I just heard someone describing herself as a monogamous knitter - she works on only one project at a time.  I have always worked on multiple projects at the same time.  does that make me a polygynous crocheter?

if my projects have gender (or is it sex?  does a fuck doily have sex?  is a cock doily male?), I could be a polyandrous or polygamous crocheter?  and if they all approve of each other, maybe I'm a polyamorous crocheter, into fibrous polyfidelity.

I have no idea what kind of graphic to use to compliment this post.

I have to go to the ... bunny?

easterBunnyToiletCover.jpgyou've been searching for a way to make your toilet into a bunny for the Easter season.  well, now you can!  buy this crochet pattern and make it yourself.

your very own Easter bunny toilet!

sooo ... what do people think about when they go to use this?

(I'll usually talk about anything but an unusual desire to use discretion is overcoming me about now ... you're welcome.)

lasered banana for the neurotic

you may think of banana etching just for those who want to put messages of text (as opposed to text messages) on bananas.

not so.  you can etch equidistant lines to ensure evenly sliced pieces for your breakfast cereal.

when do you write off an ejaculate?

at a salon recently, my new acquaintance spoke that sentence to me.

if I hadn't been talking to an accountant, I would've taken a few steps back.  instead, I said, "do you realize how long I've been waiting to meet someone who could utter that statement honestly while describing their line of work?"

sperm banks need accountants too.

this is our world

how does this work?  your young one is squirming too much for a rectal temperature take and you say, "Look!  It's Spongebob!" and they stay still?

oh, and it's musical!  what the?  (usually I make everyone else's wtf category but this product has made mine.)

what song does it play?!  does it play while it's taking the temp or when it's done?

oh, maybe it's for adults. and maybe you can make it more effective by uploading individual ringtones per patient.  just don't confuse it with your cell phone.

poopSoap.jpg so different ... and yet so similar ... my poop doesn't stink ... soap.  with the fragrance of roses ... but the shape of ... well, ok, some think my creations are strange.  I'm posting this so that you'll know there are people weirder than me :D

actually, for the right occasion and the right friend, this would be a hilarious gift, possibly left anonymously in their bathroom - or kitchen - during a big formal celebration.

I'm imagining using it the first time fully knowing it's soap, getting some lather going ... and thinking, "This is really confusing."

wire sculptures - that sway?

dianeKomater.jpg just came across a new wire sculpture by artist Diane Komater

wireSwayingCock.jpgimmediataly, I could hear the gentle screech screech of a wire cock swinging back and forth, hanging from the fence of my childhood backyard in the cool fall evening breeze.

then my mind took me on a whirlwind trip around thoughts of aging, how we age, how we treat those older than us, how our perspective on age changes as we age, death and dying ... screech screech.

ok, well nevermind all that.  turns out she'll be at Ft. Mason this coming weekend. go check her out - and see if it sways.

is it a body part or not?

jenMcNeelyNips.jpg Jennifer McNeely has done it again.  she's created a slew of new work that plays with that fuzzy border between an erogenous body part and plushy squishy benign pillow ... toy ... thing.

through a show of Jens, called Jen11 ---eleven women artists of the same generation named Jennifer---jens generating genuine generational genius, I call them--- she offers many new pieces which continue to make me laugh.  I first wrote about her here.

a new artist to me is making similar feeling pieces out of ceramics.  she is not a Jennifer but she's from the same jen-eration.  her name is Christiane Haasesee what I mean?

through the blog of Kirsty Hall, who does some amazing pieces with straight pins, I'm introduced to ... alsokaizen ... and an emotive floaty spiney nodule-y fiber piece here.

more faces in toilet paper rolls!

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alas!  another artist brings faces out of toilet paper rolls, this time origami-style!

from, the artist is Jacquet Fritz Junior

tpOrigamiBeforeAfter.jpgbefore / after

who knew?  what else can we do with this ubiquitous art material?

yarn bombing buddha?

yarn bombing action on the left.

buddha statue similarly endowed?

after seeing the left pic, I first thought this buddha was wearing a real yarn hat.  it's all so confusing.  what does this all mean???

the photo on the left, according to The Vancouver Sun, is from the book Yarn Bombing: The Art of Knit Graffiti by Mandy Moore and Leanne Prain, published by Arsenal Pulp Press, scheduled for release in September.  go here and click on images to see it.  the buddha on the right is for sale on

etch your banana - talk at SVII

last night I gave a 5 minute version of my "etch your banana" talk at the Silicon Valley Innovation Institute.  if Ian Shoales can pack everything about the meaning of life into one minute at the end of Philosophy Talk radio shows, then I can do this.

for most talks I do, someone gets an etched banana.  here's Sue Lebeck, Director of the SVII Innovation Society, with her banana.  I gave her a second one to share with someone who doesn't have a banana.

if you would like a little levity at your next meeting through seeing what's possible with a laser cutter/etcher, feel free to contact me about my free laser talks.

yarn bombing

yarnBombing.jpg knitting and crocheting pieces to enhance public places, like this burgundy knitted sleeve for what looks like a second story outdoor brass railing.  beautifully enhanced with metallic stars for playful measure.  full story at The Vancouver Sun.  and a book out soon.

makes a town, streetlights, parking meters, fences feel more personal, I think.  it's funny, lighthearted, kinda like giving graffiti a more easy going nature.  yes, it's been going on for a few years now. and I really should remember to take my hook and yarn and whip up a few chains to endow hard benign city surfaces along my way.  most people smile, including me just thinking about it.

but what's startling about this article is all the demeaning comments that it evoked.  it's one thing to see the comments directed against a blanket that says 'Freaky Under Cover Kisses" - oh my, look what those words spell!  I think this piece is cute, btw, and I don't condone the nasty comments directed at its creator.  I make fuck doilies so it's none too harsh for me, and I've had my share of inappropriate comments strewn at me.  Comments describing why someone doesn't like something are totally acceptable by me.  I put the rest with vitriol and judgments on the creator in my compost pile.  I'm just saying that I 'understand' comments directed at something that almost says "fuck".  but to see these nasty comments against yarn bomb ing??  you're kidding, right?  no . . . you're . . . not.

my apologies up front if we cross paths and I upset you because I will be laughing.

10000 yonis of mother earth

gorgeous shots of yonis in nature - Flickr pool.


part of disappointment's flickr photostream.  I suppose he/she is disappointed because maybe the peas structurally just don't hold up under pressure.

lovely, thank you, disa.

vacuum cleaners don't grow on trees

sexGrated-01.jpg introducing my new category: g-rated sex

sex is happening everywhere around us in plain daylight with no brouhaha. like sex between the UPS trucks I posted earlier.

here's one I found during a visit to a friend's apartment.  so this is where mini vacs come from!  now I wonder if I've been disrupting their reproductive cycle by emptying the bags.

wanna contribute?  send me a link to a pic you've posted.

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