Hertz Rent-a-Poem is pleased to announce the sale of our quality, pre-owned poems -- now at lower prices!
These are not stripped down one-liners. All of these poems contain luxurious appointments such as internal subtexts, obscure metaphors, memorable sound bites, and multiple levels of subtle contextual perspectives that will bring a wry smile to your face and impart a sense of your superior linguistic skills.
You will be the hit of the evening when you arrive with any of these. From the subcompact Haiku to the flowing lines of the modern Epics, to the taut, street-wise Slams, you will be the envy of any social situation.
Offer is limited. Only lanky English majors with soul-searching eyes will be considered. You must have an Angst value of 800 or better to qualify. The warranty on these items is limited. There is no claim, express or implied, that you will get laid by using these poems. Any additional work you do on these poems while drunk, such as:
1. Accidentally changing Hopkins' Windhover's first line from:
"I caught this morning morning's minion"
"I caught this minion this morning, it's morning's, s'morning...good morning..."
2. Accidentally changing Eliot's "I should have been a pair of ragged claws, scuttling across the floors of silent seas," to "...scuttling across the sores of silent fleas."
3. Accidentally combining poems: "So much ...depends upon...the red wheelbarrow...diverging in a yellow wood...
shall not be covered by this policy.
These poems are sold as is. The usefulness of a Haiku is temporary, and may only last the length of one attempt to get laid. Klingon epic poetry recited at a Superbowl party during a third quarter rout of the local team has been known to be fatal. Please recite sensibly.